View Source: LetMeTellYouAboutMyTripToTheStore

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!!! Let Me Tell You About My Trip To The Store

Phil Hollenback%%%
[philiph | http://www.twitter.com/philiph ]

!! Sometimes Life Is Just Awesome

Last night, 8pm.  We're out of milk.  My two boys are 4 years and 20
months. They expects their milk.  We don't own a car and it's a few
blocks walk to the grocery store. Limited options.

Ok, I will take the boys to the store with me to get milk and other
supplies. I would just take the toddler but the 4 year old of course wants to
go too, can't leave him at home. I get clothes and shoes and
everything on both children.  Find the wheeled grocery cart. Find my
ergo backpack so I can carry my toddler on my back when he gets tired.
Find flashlights for both boys and me. Find tissues for snotty noses.
Find coats (it's January).  Find hats.  Ok, we're ready.  Leave the
house with the baby and the 4 year old both walking holding my hands.

4 year old melts down on the front steps.  He wants both flashlights.
No, you can't have both, the baby has the other one.  Tears
flow. Well, you just have to stay with mom if you can't calm down.
Sorry, gotta go.  I love you, see you in a little bit.

Set off again, this time for real.  Walking with the baby, dragging my
grocery cart in the dark.  All good.  Walk two blocks.  The baby is
tired and starts grabbing me and wanting to be carried.  Ok, time to
stop and get him strapped in to the Ergo.  All done, let's keep
walking.

Cross the street, cross the highway.  Hey wait a second, it's Sunday.
Does the grocery store close early?  Hope not.  Well, if it's closed I
can at least go to the drugstore next door and get milk.  Keep
walking.

Work through the 23 crosswalks across the on/off ramps over the
highway.  Walk by the gas station.  Walk by the restaurant.  Walk up
to the grocery store, cart rattling all the way.

Oh great, grocery store closed.  Sigh.  They close at 7pm on
Sunday. What kind of grocery store closes at 7pm on any day?  Oh well,
guess I will go get milk at the drugstore.  Walk through the shopping
complex to the drugstore.

Drugstore is closed.  It's 8:15.  The store closed at 8.  Not getting
any milk there.  Sigh again.  Turn around with baby on my back (at
least he's having fun).  Rattle the cart across the parking lot back
towards home.

Well, I did pass the gas station, and it's open.  Maybe I can at least
get milk there.  Walk past the closed grocery store. Walk past the
restaurant. There's a plumber out in front of the restaurant with a
big drain snake doing something.  Water is running down the driveway.

OH. MY. GOD. Most horrible smell ever.  Pure sewage making my eyes
water. Wavy lines in the air.  Trying not to retch, breathing through
my nose. Pits of hell. I keep walking.

Finally make it past the restaurant.  There's the gas station. Hope
they have milk. Go inside.  Hi, do you have milk? No. Well this is
going just great.  Buy a coke for the wife so I'm not a total failure
on this trip.  Toss it in the bag in the bottom of my little cart.
There is absolutely nowhere else I can walk to for groceries, I've
exhausted all possibilities.

Ok let's get home and put this whole thing behind us.  Walk home at
fast as I can.  Baby on my back. Dragging a bouncing rattling cart
behind me.  Working through all the lights.  CArs roaring by. Good
times.

Finally, we're home. walk in the front door with a baby on my
back. Drag the cart into the entryway.

Hey wait, why is there a wet brown line behind me?  Why is the rug all
wet? WTF WTF WTF? Reach in the cart, pull the plastic coke bottle
out.  It's almost empty.  The bottom of bottle was bouncing on the ground
through the wire mesh of my cart, and it wore a hole clean through.  Yay.

Still carrying baby on my back.  Find paper towels to clean up mess in
entryway.  Go out on the porch, there's a brown coca-cola line across
the porch and driveway.  Get the hose, rinse off the porch.  Rinse off
the driveway (baby still on my back).

Finally, everything is clean.  Go back inside, take off the baby.
Collapse. 50 more things to do before I get the baby in bed and get
myself in bed.  Well, at least I don't have any groceries to put away.

And did I mention we're out of milk?

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